Twinge
A couple weeks ago I met someone. I was impressed with what they had to say - it isn’t very often I find people on the same brain wave length as me. Since then, it seems every time he (oh right I forgot to mention it was a guy…) opens his mouth to speak the words are spot on with whatever I have been thinking of that day.
Ok, ok, you’re probably thinking “this girl is ridiculous.”
Maybe.
But nonetheless, the more I listened the more heard. And then one day our eyes flicked over each others (ok, now I might be being a tad silly) and I realized one thing…
Hi, my name is Jesse and I have a crush.
Crap.
It could be a good thing…
I guess.
Except my plate is so full of projects I’m struggling not to drown a bit. If you run into me I’m probably praying that I can do all this… somehow - someway.
Except the small fact of feeling anything, even a twinge, for anyone makes me freeze out of fright. Now the idea - grand. The action … as in making it known that I might want to get to know someone more than the casual, “hey, how are you?” passing a few times a week…. that terrifies me a bit.
So I started praying again. A lot. Praying for God to take it way, to cleanse my heart, to make me think of nothing but Him and anything but him.
God must think this is all really funny. Because not only was my heart was filled with the spirit, I’ve been reading and praying more naturally than ever before. And if you saw me the other day - I was so happy I was skipping down sidewalks.
Yes, me, skipping…
Jesus is amazing like that. He restores our hearts to places of purity and joy. He takes all the broken bits and pieces that sin smashed it into, and He puts it back together with the glue of his gracious unending love. That’s how much He loves us.
However, there is one thing He didn’t do. He didn’t take away that twinge.
I’m starting to wonder if He put it there in the first place.
In fact, I’ve started running into this person more than ever before. And I become that normal stuttering, can’t make eye contact, you make me so freaking nervous and I don’t know why Jesse.
Maybe God heard past my prayer of asking Him to take it way - and heard what my heart truly had to say…
This twinge makes me smile.
Now, nothing has really changed. I’m still busier than ever. I’m still pretty scared of even the fact that my heart has been so restored that I could even accept the fact that I have a twinge. And I’m still skipping down sidewalks.
If anything, at least this is keeping me close to God. Which is keeping me in check for my bad habits, such as seeking other’s approval.
I guess I’ll keep praying, but maybe I’ll stop pretending for a second, and let God read my heart for what it is and answer the way He sees fit.
But if He keeps answering so quickly I’m going to need to work on my tongue-tied issue.
